99.99% people make a commitment (read: get married) forever with their mind set on staying faithful and committed for the rest of their lives.
I am sure that most of the women out there will go - "Rubbish. He checks out every moving thing that passes him. He will jump at the first opportunity he will get and take it with his arms open. etc. etc..."
But there is no greater myth than this. True - Men look at other women, admire them and even at times ogle at them. They fantasise about what it will be like to get intimate with one of those hot chicks on television. They might even have a huge collection of penthouses / Playboys somewhere in the attic. But the chances that he intends to betray you : very close to Zero.
Please read the line again - The chance that he intends to betray you - the keyword here is INTENDS.
Now when does the intention change? Why does he look outside? Why does the thought ever crosses his mind? What makes him break the sacred oath that he took while exchanging rings?
The answers, according to me, will be a concoction of the following points, in varying degrees, but all ingredients present nevertheless:
- Denying him physical pleasures for too long: Sex is one of the basic human urges. Even various studies have proved time and again that one of the most important ingredients of a successful relationship is what happens between the sheets. If the activity stops there, the relationship will start falling apart. I will not be exaggerating is I say that this is the glue that holds it all together. The only possible exception to this will be inactivity caused due to medical issues / accidents - but then again, there are chances (very slim though) that the man might go astray here also. A union without sex is like a bicycle with its front tire missing, will you be able to balance on it for too long? Chances are - you will fall off very soon.
- Lack of Trust There are things that we men do not like to communicate to our women. Specially about our problems, the issues we are facing - monetary, at work or at any other place. We do not want to trouble the women in our lives with too many issues which we think are insignificant and not important. Call us Male Chauvinist Pigs. Blame it on our genes. Even during the time men lived in caves and agriculture was not discovered, its the men who used to hunt and also protect their women from all dangers. Say whatever you want. But we men are like that only - we will not share 99% of our problems (read - insignificant in our eyes) with you. AND then sometimes, you (read: the women) come to know about it. Then what do you do? you simply decide that you cannot trust this person because he does not tell you everything - leads to your thinking - that he must have other skeletons in his closet - leads to the thought - he has a hidden past which is all bad and ugly, and then the demon grows and grows - until it starts haunting you day and night. Tell me if I am wrong. I am sure I am not and I am ready to bet anything on it. So all the women reading this - please trust us. We do not have any hidden skeletons. We are just, by our very genetic build, protective and hence do not share problems and smaller insignificant things. If you really want to know whats happening, just ask us straight - you will get your answers 99 out of 100 times.
- Lack of communication I know it sounds like an absolute idiot thing to write - On one hand I am saying that we will not share problems, and in the very next moment I am saying that lack of communication is an issue. The reality is - we men normally like to share our most intimate dreams with you - what we want to do, what we really are, what we want to be. And we want you to be the sounding board, the filter that will clean the dirt, the mirror from which we can reflect on. What if the filter is clogged and the mirror is all foggy? We will not be able to see a thing. And what happens next - we stop telling you our dreams. We stop telling you what we want to do in life. And Bingo, we are back again to the issue of lack of trust, and the demons attached with it. So please - the ladies reading this - please listen to our dreams and please assess them objectively. Do discuss the pros and cons, do show us the downsides, the issues, the problems which may come - but leave the decision to us. Chances are very bright that we will see your point and either solve the issue or take alternate action. But never - and i mean NEVER - shoot down a dream - It might be the most cherished dream of ours. And we will never share any other dream with you - ever again. The same is true in reverse also. Guys, please encourage your partners dreams - never shoot them down, let them see the whole picture as you see it and then let them decide.
Its really this simple. We men are by our very nature very simple creatures. Give us the three things mentioned above and we will be your slaves forever. We will do whatever you want and is within our powers to keep you happy and satisfied. We will bear all your tantrums with a big smile on our faces. All we are asking you is - please trust us, let us talk at times, and do keep the physical part of the relation lively.
signing off with a wish for a happy married life for everyone.
Saurabh
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